He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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