Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
