i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
