Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
