It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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