nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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