I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
