this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
