I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
