Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How external is "for external use only"?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
