Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize