she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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