Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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