end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
