Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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