5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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