apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im six kinds of drunk right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
