I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Non-Jews are for practice
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
