Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
