If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
