theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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