nutella sex= disaster
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
