Welp...herpes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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