I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
