I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
