i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
