theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
