No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
