The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
