it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
