I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
