Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
