so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
