Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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