I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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