no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
