i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
