i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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