I think I died a long time ago.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
