You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
