Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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