Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
