Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
