Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
