I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
