she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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