pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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