I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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