if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
