we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
