chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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