Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
