the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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