I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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