I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
