went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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