def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I deserve this hangover.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
