At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
