Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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