dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
