They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
