90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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