he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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