I think I died a long time ago.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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