I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
