Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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