I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
