she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
