He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize