she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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