I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
