Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
